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Gizoogle?
This week's (month's) article is Gizoogle? Ok, I'm sure you've
read my article on the Elmer Fudd language on Google, and I bet some of you were saying " BUT DAViD, YOU ALREADY
POSTED AN ARTICLE ABOUT CHANGEING THE LANGUEGESES IN G00GLE!!11one." Yes. I know I did. Too bad this
isn't an article about changing the language in Google. It's about www.gizoogle.com. It's a Google-type thing that is so damn "gangsta" it isn't even funny. Honestly, where else on the internet do you get
to search for "Shiznit"? It even has an option to translate a webpage, like
That's it for me. I've got homework, and I bet that thing will keep my fans (John DeSimone) occupied until next I post.
-DAViD
You Can't Eat a Push-Pop Without...
Looking gay. Yes, looking gay. It you're a girl, look at this article as a guy would. Behold, first, the subject
of this article.
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| Look at it. It's ASKING to be sucked. |
Now, first thing you do its pop it up, (yes, I know that could be taken badly) and take off the plastic outer wrapping.
Then, you eat it the only way possible, much like a popsicle. Meanwhile, you ar esucking up and down on something attached
to your finger. Needless to say, this draws many confused stares from people around you.
| Huh? |
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She gets the idea. But they taste so good, and come in so many varying (but all yummy) flavors! IT FEELS SO
WRONG, BUT IT TASTES SO RIGHT! I know now that none of you will ever look at a Push Pop the same way. And for this I laugh
at you all. If you eat a Push Pop in under 60 seconds, and you are male, I will seriously wonder about you...
-D-
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Napoleon Dynamite Sucked.
Ok, I just want to make this plain and simple: Napoleon Dynamite was one of the worst movies I have ever has
the mispleasure of seeing. Think I'm wrong. Good. I like it when people disagree. Allow me to present my views. I'm going
to break this down, plain and simple.
Things that were BAD about the movie:
1. It had no damned plot!
-It's bad enough when a movie takes a while to get into a
plot, i.e. Ocean's Eleven. But when a movie simply has no plot, it makes me want to kill someone. Why watch a movie with no
purpose?
2. It wasn't funny!
-It just wasn't funny! A nigh-retarded guy going
"Idiot!" over and over isn't funny. Period.
3. People quote the stupidest lines, repeatedly!
-YOU going "Idiot!" over and over isn't funny.
Period.
4. The actors were horrible!
- They really were some of the worst actors since Vin Diesel.
There are many more. But I'm too lazy to list them all.
Things that were GOOD about the movie:
1. He got nailed in the balls by the bike. I hope that man can never reproduce, so as to end the horrid bad
actor legacy in his family before it even begins.
2. He drank milk with bleach in it. I really hoped he would die from bleach poisoning and end the damnable
movie.
That's it. Nothing else was good about the movie. So do not quote the movie around me. Do not talk about the
movie around me. It sucked.
<D>
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| "I've got homework again." |
Binky?
This week, I've been pondering homework.
mainly because I should be doing homework right now, instead of writing this article. Regardless, I've realized that homework
is actually a penalty on the students because the teacher was too lazy to get everything
done in class. Take, for example, my algebra class today. My teacher assigned extra homework because someone asked about
extra credit. He then went off on a tangent, explaining how he didn't believe in extra credit, saying that parents were calling
him and saying "Little Binky failed his test, can he do extra credit?" He said that if you don't do your work the first time,
why should you get a chance to make up the points? But I digress. Tonight, I'll be up until 2 A.M. doing the extra work that
we should have gotten done in class. And when my mother asks why I'm up so late, and I'll only have one reply:
"Binky." Though, I realize now, that this is not so much a bad thing. I can simply always blame everything on Binky!
Think about it! "Who broke the vase?" "BINKY!" "Who stole my wallet?" "BINKY!" "Why is the sky blue?" "BINKY painted it blue!" "My Lord, who murdered your
father?" "BINKY!!!!" Ah, yes, possibilities abound. Of course, now I
haven't done any of my homework because I've been writing this article...You think my math teacher will accept the
excuse that Binky ate my homework...?
<D>
-NOTE- (He put an extra credit question on out last test...)
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This week, the pondering is Canadia. Yes, Canadia. Not Canada, for if it were Canada, they would
be called Canadans. Anyway, I've been pondering Canadia cuz it's so weird. I mean, come on, their flag has a damned MAPLE
LEAF on it! A maple leaf!
Yes. HORROR OF HORRORS!! Anyhoo, I recently went Trick-or-Treating (cuz I'm cool like that) and someone gave me Canadian
candy. Christ! It was maple syrup flavored candy, in the shape of a maple leaf!
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| They're taking over! |
That is the exact candy I got. No lie. I bet the reason that I got that damnable candy was because my "friend"
Erik was wearing a t-shirt aboot Canada!
So this sick bastard said "Oh, that kid's wearing a shirt aboot Canada, I should give them Canadian candy!"
Or so I thought! YOu see, I was the only one to get the canadian candy. So here I sit, staring at the most hated
of candies, waiting for it to make its next move. If you don't hear from me, call the cops, get the S.W.A.T. Team in
here. I think it's moving, it's coming closer...OH GOD, it has fangs! CHRIST, HELP ME! My knife, where's my knife? There!
Got it...where is that piece of canadian garbage? Hiding behind my radio! I see it! It's coming right for me! OH GO---tiugasduli[we84h
,.4fdg nvvv8 cr8 8 mynjhu0...
<D>
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Ewmew Fudd
I discovered this week that you can change the language Google is in. Of course, they have the standard languages
like French, Indonesia, Hebrew, English, Spanish, etc.
You can click that to see it in all it's splendor. Anyway, I was switching back to English after some "friend"
*coughcoughJAKEcough* thought it would be funny to switch it to Cantonese or something of the sort. But suddenly...AAAH! Look
there! Just below Dutch! Is it? It couldn't be...IT IS! Elmer Fudd?!?!?!?!?! I knew immediately i would have to try this out.
So instead of hitting English, I moved to Elmer Fudd.
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| Clicky! |
So I began to explore the internet, using Google as a gateway, speaking in Elmer Fudd (which should be recognized
as a real language). Amazed as I was, I decided to continue on in a more familiar language, so back to English I
went. Although while looking, I noticed several other dumb languages like Hebrew, Bork Bork Bork, and Japanese. So everyone,
switch your Google to Elmer Fudd!
<D>
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